the avengers (2012) | Sink, Swim | Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

[kitsuneasika.livejournal.com]

Title: Sink, Swim
Pairing: Steve-centric, hints of Steve/Tony
Wordcount: 260
Summary: Steve's getting used to the 21st century. Mostly.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers in any shape or form.
Notes: This was mostly written for the We Need More Cowbell - Part 2 challenge at writerverse, which I've recently joined. If you think this looks familiar, that's because I posted a shorter, more choppy version about a week ago for Part 1 of the challenge. (If you're curious, you can find it archived here, although I don't recommend it. I prefer this version much, much more.)

Sink, Swim
For the most part, Steve's getting used to the 21st century. He no longer jumps when Jarvis addresses him, nor is he utterly baffled by computers or the Internet. He weaves through busy traffic with an expert's ease, and although he cannot help but stare when he catches Tony working on a project, it's been a long time since it was the ever-shifting diagrams and not the hands moving them that draws him in.

(Tony always notices eventually, but it's worth the momentary embarrassment to see that startled, pleased look settle into his eyes. And if Tony himself mistakes it for a fascination with his technology, Steve's never seen the point in correcting him.)

But sometimes when he takes a breath, he feels like stones are dragging down into his lungs instead of air. There's no set place where it happens, whether when it's walking down the street or in the middle of a movie night with the rest of the team. There's just that sensation that from one moment to the next, everything's— too much. Too much sound, too much light, too much everything and not enough air.

The team never says anything when he escapes to the gym, to the steady, harsh rhythm of his fists against sand and the only thing that can drag him back to the world he lives in. He never hears a word of condemnation, but whenever Steve finds himself staring down at the sand spiraling out of the wreckage of yet another punching bag, he cannot help but feel like he's failed.

Comments

[et-tu-lj.livejournal.com]

I like how you've expanded this. Just the "and not the hands moving them" makes the subtext so much clearer. The aside clarifies it further, both confirming the attraction and clarifying that it hasn't been acknowledged between them.

The emotion's clear throughout, and gives a good idea of what it's like for him to be the man out of his time. And the imagery in the last paragraph is strong. The action fit and expressed what he was feeling already, but the imagery makes me share that feeling much more. "The steady, harsh rhythm of his fists against sand" and the "sand spiraling out of the wreckage" are gorgeous phrases. (Is that what's in punching bags? I had no idea.)

Great expansion, and it's really strengthened the piece into something interesting.

[kitsuneasika.livejournal.com]

thank you! The bit where it says "and not the hands moving them" was actually one of the phrases I had to remove when I was first trying to cut it down to 100 words, so I jumped at the chance to put it back in.

As for the sand-punching bag thing, I don't know for sure, but it looked like sand to me in the movie, and this (http://www.pickyguide.com/sports_and_recreation/punching_bags_guide.html) suggested that the answer could be yes, so I figured I could keep those lines. (Which, by the way, I was quite fond of as well— I'm glad that the parts that I liked best seem to be those that stood out the most to you!)

Again, thank you for the lovely comment! I liked this quite a bit more than the original version, so I'm glad to see that other people agree.

[et-tu-lj.livejournal.com]

lol. Mine went the opposite direction. I like the short version way better. Oops.