hana to akuma; The Taint | Felton/Ellinor

[kitsuneasika.livejournal.com]

Title: The Taint
Pairing: Felton/Ellinor
Summary: He's so selfish, and he hates himself for it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hana to Akuma.
Notes: I wrote this immediately after reading chapter 37.

The Taint

"Yes," she mutters, almost sullenly, and for the first time he realizes that she's beautiful.

No, not beautiful, pure, which may be the same thing. It doesn't matter, because he's letting go, removing his taint and he doesn't know what he's saying, what he's thinking, because he's staring at her wondering when she became too (beautiful) pure to touch.

Then he's staring up, and it takes him a moment to realize what happened, and she's yelling and he hears her (he can't, he can't hear her because then she said it and then he'll just—)

"I love you," she says, and he just stares at her, her hands clenched face flushed and he wants nothing more then to pull her down and to—

no.

He can't.

He won't.

He runs away, with a laugh, a pretense that everybody buys and no one looks behind.

And she's safe.

And she's still his.

Then she's there, and he's so scared and he just knows he'll destroy her and he'll do anything not to, even if it means tainting a just as beautiful (pure) flower. Even if it means hurting her.

But she stays, and she won't go and he's scared and happy and disgusted (with himself, only himself, no one more) all wrapped up into one nice, Felton-shaped box.

Then he loses her and he hates himself for being so selfish. He doesn't deserve her and never will but he can't stand someone else being by her, someone else destroying her, and so he can't help but follow.

And so he can't help but save her.

And he holds her tight, so scared and selfish, but he can't bring himself to care because she's safe, safe and warm in his arms.

And he loves her.