la suite d'amour du chat noir; Decaying Delusions | Natui/Chiaki, Natui/Sakiko

[kitsuneasika.livejournal.com]

Title: Decaying Delusions
Pairing: Natui/Chiaki, Natui/Sakiko
Summary: He hates her, because she isn't Sakiko.
Disclaimer: I don't own La Suite D'Amour du Chat Noir.
Notes: Eeps! I forgot to post this yesterday. =S

Decaying Delusions

"I don't care if I die," she tells him, and he hates hates hates her for it. She's pathetic, lifeless, and he'll only be doing the world a favor if he rids it of her.

When he touches her she trembles, and Sakiko flashes before his eyes. He speaks, to reassure himself more then anything, and watches as she leaves, still alive.

She comes back.

He speaks to her, carries her, shows her the night. She's still pathetic, but not so lifeless anymore and if he closes his eyes and touches her he can almost see Sakiko staring up at him, trembling.

But they're different. Chiaki is different. She learns to love the night through sight, not sound, and she's still pathetically selfish, wishing to live, wanting to only live now.

Sakiko wasn't selfish.

He tells her he loves her (half-lies, only; he loves the Sakiko in her and he doesn't know what he'll do without it, without those traces of Sakiko in her). But she's not Sakiko, never will be, and when she runs to him instead of staying, he knows this.

He loves loves (hates) her because of Sakiko, because of the Sakiko he sees in her, but she's not Sakiko, and she'll never become Sakiko no matter how hard he tries, and so he can do to her what he couldn't before.

Her voice-- Sakiko's voice-- drifts into his mind as Chiaki's tears fall. "Would I still be me?", the dream-her asks, and he doesn't save Chiaki, because if he does she won't be Chiaki anymore and if she's not her he'll never see the Sakiko in her.

She dies (like Sakiko, his mind whispers) and he whispers a (truth) lie to her dead lips.

"I love you, Chiaki."

She's not Sakiko.

The door closes.