harry potter; Beyond the Moment | Remus/Sirius

[kitsuneasika.livejournal.com]

Title: Beyond the Moment
Pairing: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black
Summary: One month after the mysterious incident that cost Gryffindor hundreds of points, Lily witnesses something that she wishes she hadn't. Post-Prank.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter in any shape or form.
Notes: This is rather surprising for me, because, as much as I adore reading Harry Potter fanfiction, I never really thought that I'd write much of it. But about a month ago I fell headfirst in love with Remus/Sirius, and all of a sudden the plot bunnies started rolling. And now here I am. Oh, just so anyone wishing to avoid that sort of thing knows: the f-bomb is dropped once in this fic.

Crossposting to remusxsirius and mission_insane, eventually.

Beyond the Moment

Lily had never been bad at sneaking around. She wasn't as good as Potter, or Black, or any of those four, really— honestly, it's like they just vanished at the first whiff of trouble— but she wasn't half-bad at it either. The only thing stopping her from being a female Moroner, or whatever those boys were calling themselves now, was that she actually had some regard for the rules.

It wasn't like she was breaking the rules, not really— the sun was already up, if only barely, and while Lily knew that Madame Pomfrey wouldn't approve of her bothering her patients so early, she couldn't help it. Ever since Alice's cauldron blew up on her in Potions Lily had been fretting over it, and it was only when she decided that she would visit Alice first thing in the morning that she could get any rest.

So there she was, sneaking up to the hospital wing. It was fairly easy, really— as long as she didn't wake up anyone in the dorms and stayed relatively quiet as she made her way through the hallways, she was free.

The door to the hospital wing was already unlocked— Lily couldn't help but be impressed by the hours Madame Pomfrey kept— and once she was inside it was even easier to find Alice. The other girl was fast asleep, making little whuffing sounds as she breathed in and out. There was a bandage wrapped around one of her arms, but the swelling around her face seemed to have all-but disappeared, and overall she seemed to be perfectly fine, to Lily's relief. She stayed there for a few moments, looking down on her.

It was all those stupid boys' fault that Alice was here. Complete morons. Lupin and Pettigrew were alright, she supposed, when they weren't being corrupted by the other two, but Black and Potter were completely insufferable. If Black had actually been paying attention in class and had added the shredded daisy root before the frogspawn, it wouldn't have blown up on Alice, and Alice wouldn't have been hurt, and then she wouldn't have had to go to the Hospital Wing, and then everything would have been fine. Even thinking about it made her want to hit him. Why couldn't he just pair up with Potter like he always did, instead of spreading their mayhem to innocent bystanders? Let Potter be the one hurt by Black's stupidity.

The door to the hospital wing made a creak, and Lily froze, all murderous thoughts fleeing as images of an irate Madame Pomfrey took their place. She didn't stop to think, just dove for the nearest hiding place she could think of, which ended up being the curtained bed by the window. She pulled out her wand, hastily casting a charm on the curtains to stop their swaying, then turned, hoping she hadn't woken up whoever it was in the bed.

She had to stop herself from gasping as she took in the fast-asleep figure on the bed. She'd always known that Remus was sickly— his frequent visits to the hospital wing were almost legendary— but she had never seen him so pale before, had never seen his eyes so shadowed.

She didn't have time to wonder what was wrong with him. Footsteps were approaching, and she didn't want to take the chance that they were heading towards Lupin's bed. After one last glance at Lupin, she dropped to her knees as quietly as she could and rolled under the bed, her heart pounding. She forced her breathing to slow, measuring each breath carefully before releasing as soundlessly as she could.

There was the distinct sound of curtains being pulled back, and the hems of a robe filled her vision. Black, trimmed with red and gold— a student, then, Gryffindor. Some of her panic subsided, and she almost wanted to laugh at herself— Lily Evans, prefect, scared out of her mind by one of her housemates— when a broken sob rolled through the air and all urges to laugh fled as she nearly stopped breathing.

"Moony."

She recognized the voice. Of course she did— how many times had she heard it, after all, laughing at a Slytherin's humiliation, catcalling at her friends, egging on Potter when he was about to do something spectacularly stupid. She could recognize Black's voice in an instant, but she'd never heard him like this, all cockiness and vanity stripped away. Vulnerable. Broken.

There was a thumping noise, and the hem of his robes were replaced by his knees in her line of vision. When he spoke, his voice was much closer. "I'm— so, so sorry. I'm sorry. So— fucking stupid, so, so stupid and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry—" his voice cracked, and he dragged in a breath, ragged, harsh. "I just want to run with you again," he whispered, helplessly. "I'll, I'll never even hex Snivellus again, if— I— I just want." He stopped, voice cracking dangerously. A sob escaped his throat, and then he was silent, only the sound of his ragged breaths filling the air.

Lily wished that she wasn't there— that she was anywhere but there, even if that anywhere was cooped up in a car with Petunia. She'd never heard Black like this, and she had no right to— if he knew she was there he'd probably hex her, Potter's ridiculous obsession with her be damned, and she wouldn't even blame him. She wasn't suppose to hear this, no one was, not even, she suspected, Lupin himself. It was a secret and she was listening and oh she wished that she had never gotten the bright idea of visiting Alice because learning that Black was actually human wasn't worth hearing this. It wasn't worth hearing that total despair in his voice as he spoke, like he'd lost his entire world.

She thought back, suddenly, to earlier that day. Black, distracted enough for his cauldron to blow up on him. He'd been odd for ages, they all had, ever since they'd pulled some stunt that lost them hundreds of points. That had been about a month ago. She hadn't really noticed how strange they had been acting— she had been too furious over the loss of the points, because she had known that it had been them, even if no one said. Who else was capable of screwing up so spectacularly?

But now, huddled on the cold floor of the hospital wing, watching Black's knees as he struggled to not cry, detached from her initial fury, she realized that something was very wrong. A simple prank wasn't the answer— pranks bound those boys together. They didn't split them apart.

"Moony," Black whispered again, breathing hitching on a sob. "Moony Moony MoonyMoonyMoony," he said, over and over until the name became just sounds, not even a word, and then it wasn't even that as his breath hitched one time too many and he dissolved into muffled sobs, and Lily realized, suddenly, that it didn't matter. It didn't matter what they had done, or why they had become so estranged, or why Black was sneaking into the hospital wing to cry at Remus' bedside. None of it mattered, not really— only Black mattered, and Remus, and everything that lay heavy in the air between them, all those things that Lily couldn't understand and probably never would.

So she stopped wondering. Instead, she closed her eyes, and just listened to the sound of a sixteen year old boy's breaking heart.